forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
