Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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