He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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