Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
