We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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