If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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