conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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