No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
