Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
