I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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