I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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