You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
