Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
