Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
