All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
