I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
