Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
