OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
