Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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