bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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