Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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