Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
