I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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