Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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