I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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