really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
