4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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