HIV tests are more positive than that guy
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
