watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize