I didn't shave. On purpose
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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