New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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