Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
