I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Panties = found
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