Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
third nipple confirmed
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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