If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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