ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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