i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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