I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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