i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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