i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
