I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
