i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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