worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
