Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
