I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
