I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i wish my penis had a tongue
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
