I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
