I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
