she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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