the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
