oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
