She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize