Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
