Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
