I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize