just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
