i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
