Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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