he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
