Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
