I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize