I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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