Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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