remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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