You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
