I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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