New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
