You're my little dorito
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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